Project Total Confidence in Your Zoom Classes from Within This Giant Scorpion

We all know the feeling: your teacher sends you into a breakout room and you have no idea what to say. You fear that you have the camera on your laptop angled wrong so that others are forced to stare up at you, or perhaps sitting upright is getting too tiring.

Fear not: the tail of this giant scorpion gaming chair can adjust to not only aim your computer screen (or two or three computer screens if you prefer) directly at your face but also serves as a reclining backrest so that you sit at any angle of repose. 

Do you feel that you are too high off the ground? The chair’s legs can spread out to lower you or the insectile commode can clamber to its feet and raise you into the air. Its motorized arms will encircle you to hold you in but this is intended only to bring the built-in keyboard platform within easy reach and not to eat you as it may appear.

Best of all the chair is so simultaneously confusing and intimidating that no teacher will call on you in class. After all, who would want to give you homework when you have a giant robot scorpion on your side?

The “Cluvens IW-SK zero-gravity esports gaming chair and workstation” comes in all black and only all black. If you wanted a color other than black you should have picked a different chair. It does, however, have glowing mood lights to really drive home the point that you are a serious gaming professional. You can get all of these amazing features for the low low price of $3,299.

Whether this is a viable business model or not remains to be seen, but given the number of people who apparently want to buy one, let’s just hope that this chair doesn’t become sentient and add a robot invasion to the already implausible story of 2020.



Former Editor in Chief of The City Voice, finally graduated City High Middle School as part of the Class of 2022.