Why does the US government need a massive underground labyrinth by Friday?

There are many things one expects out of the US Defense Advance Research Projects Agency, but transparency is not one of them. So when DARPA puts out a Tweet asking the people to help them find a “human-made underground environment spanning several city blocks w/ complex layout & multiple stories, including atriums, tunnels & stairwells”, one has to admire the openness. One also has to wonder why they need this labyrinthine complex by Friday. Such a request of course brings to mind most of the past 50 years of bad science fiction movies, and the internet has responded exactly as one would expect. Luckily, DARPA came back to explain that this is merely a training exercise for teams on the Subterranean Challenge, or so they say. If you don’t believe them, they are seriously responding to many of the comments left on this post, including some about Demogorgons, so if you want to ask them yourself what’s going on the newspaper staff strongly encourage you to do so. You can be sure we have.


Former Editor in Chief of The City Voice, finally graduated City High Middle School as part of the Class of 2022.